


Summons

by spaceboy_niko



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley has no idea what he's getting into poor him, Demon Summoning, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 04:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11328282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceboy_niko/pseuds/spaceboy_niko
Summary: "They tried to summon a demon. They got you."





	Summons

**Author's Note:**

> prompt from writing-prompt-s on tumblr

Well, really, now this was just inconvenient.

Crowley had nothing planned for the sixteenth century - sleep a bit, maybe clean up after the big shots with the whole slavery thing happening - and then some bloody German lunatic with a summoning circle chanting an out-of-date summons pops up. The bosses had looked meaningfully at him and Crowley had sighed, bowing and straightening up in a dingy room full of candles and suspicious-smelling incense with a ridiculous moustache cackling in glee about how he’d managed to summon the dark forces or something.

Crowley waved a hand in apathy and cut off his ramblings. “Yeah, yeah, anyways, down to business, I’m AJ Crowley and I’m a representative of the High Prince of Hell, Beelzebub. We aim to spread discord and disharmony throughout humankind through acts of dishonesty, disruption, blah blah blah. Now, are you one of those useless Satanist wannabes who just summon a demon for the hell of it or did you actually want our help?”

Moustache told him what he wanted. Crowley’s eyes popped. His thin tongue flopped out of his mouth, flicking with disbelief.

“I, uh…I’m not s-s-sure if I’m qu-qualif-,” Crowley’s voice cracked and hissed. He gulped and swallowed the noise, “-qualified to help you fulfil that request. I’m, uh, going to have to speak to my higher ups to see if, uh, they can do anything about it!” His words tumbled out in a nervous rush and he hurriedly composed himself. Herr Facial Hair was looking more and more dubious by the minute.

“If, uh, if you could just fill out this paperwork for us, that’ll ensure we can process your request as quickly and efficiently as possible…” Crowley fished around in his back pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of parchment, indicating where the moustache should leave some form of identification. At this point, Crowley would have settled for a crude drawing of his moustache - any minutes he spent in this man’s presence were tarnishing hisalready black soul.

After a long, elaborate pause, Moustache handed back the parchment and Crowley tried to make some sense of the calligraphic signature on the line at the bottom of the contract.

‘Johann Faust’. Yep, that was the name of a loony if ever he saw one.

Crowley bowed again. “Thank you, Mr Faust, it’s been a pleasure doing business with you, I’ll get one of my superiors to attend to your request as soon as possible, goodbye, _ciao_.”

The circle glowed and crackled and Crowley disappeared again. He was going to be very depressed when black magicians figured out how to summon demons quietly and with a lot less mess - these glamorous entrances and exits were the high point of the time period.

When he arrived back in the offices, noticeably shaken, a Duke of Hell raised a slimy eyebrow at him and Crowley gibbered a bit, then whispered the old man’s demand.

Paling in anticipation, Hastur sighed and ascended.

Crowley waited with bated breath for the next few decades until Hastur descended again, covered in blood and strangely unwilling to discuss the new soul in Hell.

Aziraphale had merely raised an eyebrow at Crowley’s frightened recollection, and coolly remarked that their side got some “loonies, as you so insensitively put it” as well, and some of the saints scared him a little bit.

“I mean, honestly, dear, have you _seen_ the evangelists nowadays?”

Crowley could only nod in sympathy.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr (spaceboy-niko.tumblr.com)


End file.
